I'm really into asian looking animals
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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