believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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