I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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