Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
