Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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