Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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