At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
