I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
