is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
