We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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