he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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