Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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