Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
