he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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