the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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