I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
