PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
