I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The beer is more important than you right now.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You may now shotgun with the bride
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
