i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
