Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I love black thongs
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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