I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
