dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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