i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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