i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
