She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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