i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
