i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
