he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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