just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
