someone threw a dead crab at me
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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