Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
