It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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