He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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