took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
