Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
