You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
