yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
