I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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