He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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