You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
