why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
