hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
