I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
