One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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