did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
