I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
