I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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