is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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