I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
And then he peed in my hair
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