So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
